Creativity Exercise: Don't ask. I tell.

There are some life lessons I learn. And forget. And learn. And forget. And learn. And ... well. You get the idea. For example:

People ask questions they don't want answered. 

You know what question tops the list? It's one we hear all the time: How are you?

Apparently, 98.6 percent of people who ask that question do not care about the answer. They are, I think, trying to be polite. And yet ...

Do me a favor today, my friends. Show up. If you ask a question, listen to the answer. And if you doubt the veracity of my lead-in line, look at the date on this post.

P.S. Thanks to Kate O'Neill Rauber -- one of the world's great listeners -- for the blog idea!

P.P.S. This post also reminds me of a favorite Yiddish proverb: No answer is also an answer.

Creativity Tips: End of Retirement

Earlier this year, right after my husband retired, our financial planner sent a document outlining how long our savings could last from first withdrawal until the end of retirement. I am embarrassed to tell you how long I stared at that chart, fighting disappointment over the concept that I had to go back to work in my 90s.

Fortunately, even a dim bulb shines a little light.

I did have the good grace to laugh at myself when the light went on and I finally realized that end of retirement didn't mean I'd be hauling my 90-year-old self up to the office to write ad copy again. I'm still laughing -- the phrase may be my all-time favorite euphemism.

And yet ... consider this: The dictionary defines a euphemism as "a mild or indirect word or expression substituted for one considered to be too harsh or blunt when referring to something unpleasant or embarrassing."

Has death really become something that even financial planners find too "unpleasant or embarrassing" to discuss? Oy.

Here's my advice: When you're trying to communicate, say what you mean. Choose the right words and use the right words. Should you watch your tone? Certainly. But don't obfuscate.* We have enough trouble understanding each other as it is.

End of retirement. Seriously? You're killin' me.

Scottish proverb -- and one of my mom's favorite sayings. :-)

* Can you use words not everyone knows? If they're the right words, heck yeah. I'm all in favor of expanding vocabularies. 

The Relationship Equation

I recently went to lunch with a woman who made me feel <. You know. Less than. Less than important. Less than worthy. Less than her.

Most of our discussion centered on wealth. While nothing was ever said directly, she clearly communicated that I didn't have enough money to matter. 

Now, those of you who know me know that money has never been my primary motivator. On the other hand, I have made a good living -- and a good life -- as a writer and I'm very proud of that.

So why did I take her comments to heart? I don't know. I don't know. All I can tell you is that she reminded me of the truth in the old cliche: People will forget what you say. People will forget what you do. But they'll never forget how you made them feel.

Fortunately, I am typically surrounded by people who make me feel =. Even a handful who make me feel >. Not greater than them -- that wouldn't be fun. But greater than your average Joe. Greater than ordinary. Definitely greater than I did when I walked into the room.

I love these people. They're > than anything. 

What about your people? What about you? When you consider your relationship equations, are you making people feel less than? Equal? Greater than?

There are lots of ways to know. A little self-actualization helps. But you can also watch the other person's body language. Does he make eye contact? Is she suddenly slumping in her chair? Is he physically pulling away?

Then, take a psychic step back and listen. Does she sound defensive? Is he getting awfully quiet?

People matter. Feelings matter. Words matter. Why, just writing this post is my way of getting my mojo back. With that in mind, I've got one more thing to say and then I'll let it go:

Kindness is > wealth.

The First Rule of Communications

I woke up this morning, wandered into the kitchen and made a radical decision. I'd have tea rather than coffee to kickstart my day. Of course, it had to be the right tea. Not the sleepytime, fruity-tooty teas I drink at night.


English breakfast tea? Just the thing!

I boiled the water, brewed the tea and started sipping. I sipped. And sipped. And never felt that lovely jolt of, "I'm waking up and everything is possible with caffeine."

So I took another look:


Huh? Naturally decaffeinated? But it's breakfast tea!  

It's hard to see (and that's my point), but the label says "Naturally Decaffeinated." Why would Twinings make that hard to read? And why in the world would they think it's natural to take caffeine out of breakfast?

I don't care if you're writing, designing or talking with your beloved. Remember the First Rule of Communications:

Always think about your audience.

There isn't a single soul in England -- or anywhere else -- who wants decaffeinated breakfast tea. What we do want, at breakfast, is simple:
1. Respect for the fact that we're not fully awake, focused and functioning.
2. Packaging that doesn't require us to be fully awake, focused and functioning to read it.
3. Caffeine, so that we can be fully awake, focused and functioning.

Always think about your audience. Always. Who are you trying to reach? What do they know? What do they want? What do they want to know? What would capture their attention long enough to get them to hear/see/understand your message?

First things first, folks. It's not about you. It's about them. In this case, it's about me and my tea. See what happens when I'm deprived of caffeine? I start blogging again. Be warned. And feel free to make Constant Comments.

Creativity Tips: Writers and Designers Revolt

Here's the funny thing about writing the CI blog. The more posts I write, the easier it is to write them. Why? Well, for one thing, I just get back in the mode -- and then I start seeing blog ideas everywhere.

For another, the more I write, the more people read -- and then they send me ideas. Bonus! Yesterday's post was a gift from Hedy. Today, our creative amusement is courtesy of Pat. If you've ever worked in a creative job* at an agency, these posters will hit home with you. If you haven't, check 'em out anyway. This is the life we lead. No wonder we revolt.

*Pet peeve: Do not call writers and designers at an agency creatives. We are all creative. No need to start segmenting the fun.  

 

 

Creativity Tips: Pay Attention

I take yoga classes at a rec center -- the yoga room is right next to the big gym. So, every week, I walk by all the adults sitting outside the gym while their adorable elementary school children practice gymnastics.

The kids are a hoot -- they're tumbling and balancing and falling and leaping and laughing. I know this, because there are huge windows so you can see the action from the waiting room.

Unfortunately, the windows aren't all that necessary.

As I left the other night, I noticed that -- as usual -- almost all the adults were focused on their iPads and cellphones and laptop computers. Only a few were watching the kids. One of the other yoga participants, walking next to me, said, "Isn't that great? Everyone is making such good use of their time!"

We were leaving yoga. I was mellow. It wasn't the time to go ballistic. But, that was then and this is now.

Ignoring a six-year-old on the balance beam is not a good use of your time. Missing your third-grader do a perfect dismount is not a good use of your time. Playing solitaire when a child is right in front of your face doing a cartwheel is not a good use of your time.

And it's not just an adult-kid thing. We're in danger of losing eye contact, people. Remember eye contact? That thing you used to make with another human being before we turned our focus to all things electronic?

Listen up, because I'm ranting and I'm right and I love you: You don't get this day again. Only today. Only today.

Pay attention.

Words Matter: Broken Home

You may not know this, but I come from a broken home. That's right. My folks were divorced. They had a troubled marriage.

Given that, this brief essay by my buddy Lucinda Ellison Lu hit home. As you read it, remember: Words hurt, words heal, words matter.

Here's Lucinda's take:

As a divorced woman, I have often come across phrases that really bug me. There are all kinds of ways to describe a divorce, or divorced people, or children whose parents are divorced. My least favorite phrase is: broken home. As in, “He comes from a broken home.”

So if the home is broken, that would imply that somehow it can be fixed. Can’t you just find a handyman in the yellow pages who specializes in fixing broken homes? And if that’s true, I am definitely in the wrong business. With what appears to be a recent spike in the number of divorces in my community, those guys should be doing a lot of business. My home’s not the only that’s “broken.”

If I go a step further, what about those homes where the marriage isn’t happy? What about those couples who choose to stay together and limp along with a troubled marriage? Would you call their homes “repair challenged?”

Troubled marriage – now there’s another one. Just what did the marriage do to get into trouble anyway?

Just sayin’ …

Thanks to Lucinda for today's guest essay!

Is there a word or phrase that particularly bothers you? Let me know. Maybe we'll rant about it. 

Copy Crank

While I am kind, good and loving on Creative Instigation (stop laughing), I am myself on Copy Crank ... one of the other blogs I write. Why write more than one blog? Because they're free and easy. And, when you own the blog, you only have to post when you want to.

Today, I wanted to.

A Rant and a Rave

We'll start the week with a two-part post. First, the rave.

HUGE CONGRATS to Barb and Richard and any other CI team members involved in the Greater KC PRSA PRISM awards this past Friday. Absolutely wonderful event -- fun from start to finish. You done good.

Now, the rant. More "I'm not fat" stories in the magazines, with a woman who's probably a size 4. Are you kidding me? No, you're not. And, along that vein, this video may be a few years old, but it's a good example of why we're so messed up when it comes to appearances. Look and learn. Just because we have creative tools doesn't mean we should always use them.

Bonus Friday Post: Bernie Madoff

Drek is Yiddish for trash. Drekonomics is our current financial state.

Drekonomics leads to insanity. There's the whole Bernie Madoff disaster -- stealing money from Holocaust survivors, etc. How low we can go.

And I'll give you another example -- on a completely different level, but still indicative of the times. One of my best friends was recently in a group being lectured on new office procedures. The manager's farewell shot? "If you don't like the rules, there are plenty of talented people out there looking for work."

That's a pep talk?

Drekonomics is my word for it. Now it's your turn. Take any aspect of the current financial disarray -- from layoffs to pay cuts to Bernie Madoff -- and give me a new word to describe it.

My Life Would Suck Without You

The headline of this post is the title of Kelly Clarkson's new song. This song reportedly made history last week with the largest leap ever on the singles chart -- zooming from No. 97 to No. 1.

That's right, "My Life Would Suck Without You" went to No. 1.

Now, I hate to start the week with a rant, but seriously -- this is the best we can do? Where have you gone, Simon and Garfunkel?

P.S. Kelly Clarkson. Don't know her. Don't like her.

Creativity Tips: Learn from Your Mistakes

Back in June, I told you the sad but true story of my research call from Victoria's Secret.

They called again last week. Guess what? I haven't gotten any younger. And my opinions are still of absolutely no interest to Victoria, although she will take my money. And my daughters' money. Which, (gasp!) is my money.

So, here's the secret: There's absolutely nothing wrong with making a mistake. Once. That's how we learn. Making the same mistake twice? That's something else.

When you make a mistake, in a creative project or anything else, don't beat yourself up for it. Tell yourself to stop the negative thoughts. Literally. Stop. Then, quickly analyze what went wrong and why. And make yourself proud -- do better next time.

P.S. It's a Van Gogh painting. An Old Woman of Aries. He apparently saw some value in old women.

Creativity Tips: Hang Up and Walk

During my daily walks with JoJo the wonder dog, I frequently walk by VERY IMPORTANT PEOPLE on their cell phones having VERY IMPORTANT CONVERSATIONS.

It's ridiculous. We're so multi-task oriented, we're ruining one of the nicest events of the day. A leisurely stroll. An opportunity for creative rejuvenation. A chance to enjoy the sounds of kids swinging on the playground, leaves skittering on the sidewalk, dogs barking in the distance.

I am now taking a vow of silence. While walking. Alone. I am not that important, and my call is not that important. I can take 30 minutes to just walk. If you need me, leave a message. If I need you, I'll call when I get home.

Hey Victoria ... I've Got a Secret for You

So, the phone rings today and a charming woman on the other end wants to ask me a few questions about Victoria's Secret, since I shop there. (To the men on the Creative Instigation team: If you've already heard more than enough, leave now.)

I tell her I'm generally ruled out for market surveys, given my profession. (My writing profession. Stop it.) But, apparently, that didn't matter. What did matter became painfully clear with the first survey question: "May I ask your exact age?"

I gave her my exact age, and she immediately asked if there were any Victoria's Secret shoppers in the household between the ages of 18 and 39.

Excuse me? I just spent money in your store, and now you're telling me I'm too old to matter?

Bad marketing. Baaaaaaaaaaaaad marketing. Do yourself a favor, Victoria. Ask us geezer broads a couple of questions before signing off. You don't have to tabulate my answers. Just give me the impression that you care.

In other words, Victoria, fake it.

Creativity Tips: Just Say "Thank You"

A Kansas City Star story about the recent Reba McEntire and Kelly Clarkson concert at Sprint Center made me cringe.

According to the Star, "after Clarkson's spectacular rock-soul performance of Patty Griffin's 'Up to the Mountain,' Reba took a couple steps back, bowed respectfully in the 'I am not worthy' gesture and then told Clarkson she had more soul in her little finger than most singers have in their entire body. Clarkson shrugged and said, 'Whatever.'"

Whatever is not an acceptable answer to a genuine, generous compliment. Whatever is not an acceptable answer to anything.

It's a common tendency to deflect compliments. It is not a good common tendency. And it's time to stop.

The next time someone praises your creative accomplishment, relish the moment. Give 'em a grin. And just say, "Thank you."

Creativity Tip: Hey Kids, This is Advertising

Budzilla's comment on Tuesday, "Creativity is the art of forgetting your sources," reminded me of a tip I wanted to share with you ... a tip about the time-honored tradition of "stealing" ideas whenever and wherever you can.

As it turns out, I'll have to talk about that later. Right now, I need to share the tidbit I found when I went online to "steal" a Hamburglar image from McDonald's to illustrate my point.

The Happy Meal site includes very small print that says, "Hey kids, this is advertising." I kid you not. I couldn't make this up.

"Hey kids, this is advertising." Yep, I'm lovin' it.

So, just to make sure we're all clear on this: Hey kids, this is advertising. I write for a living. Writing is how I keep the family fed (generally with food that doesn't come with a toy). So if you know anyone who needs an easily amused and rapid writer, please -- keep me in mind.

And here's a tip to go with the rant: You never know where inspiration or ads will come from, so keep those eyes wide open!